True that my father has abandoned me for fifteen years with no news. That he should be responsible for me at least now. But he himself was responsible for the past three years of my education. He is responsible for my brother's education in German. He, also, is responsible for his own family, in which he has two other daughters. Call me stupid and I have been called worse to have a heart which refuse an opportunity. But two universities' tuition fee and living costs do not come cheap. One of his other daughters is about the same age with my brother. I imagine she is at the age of university education too.
I will study again. But when the time comes, it will be by my own effort. I won't owe any apology to my conscience. I will be responsible for the effects of my decision, I will be responsible for my own future. No one can tell me otherwise.
As for the relationship with my father, he is always my father. We don't have a father-daughter relationship. Instead, we have a blood-tied friendship. We respect the fact that we have separate lives. In that sense, we don't owe anything to each other. We have no obligations to each other. Only conscience.