The jingles are annoying. The carols are boring (despite beautiful). The HoHoHos are getting old. What is Christmas if not presents? Gee I can't imagine a White Christmas in Vancouver. It's depressing already here at the equator. Overweight oldmen in velvet + Winter = suicide.
I must apologize if I offended you in anyway. But let me tell you about Christmas dissapointments.
Christmas is a disappointment when:
1. You spent your elementary years believing that Santa actually exist. Because your (then) bestfriend got presents. So when your (then) bff told you to pluck some grass to feed Santa's reindeers, you did. You left a plate of grass, cookies, a glass of milk and a heartful letter to Santa on the balcony of your house. Only to find that, many years later, your mother is a Buddhist.
2. You spent your years believing that Baby Jesus was delivered on 25th of December. Only to find that, many years later, Baby Jesus wasn't born in December to begin with. And the Christmas date as we celebrate now is of some pagan celebrations.
3. The Grinch, and many other movies about Christmas, have nothing to do with Christ. Then you realize that Christmas ia a cultural celebration. Which doesn't really establish itself in the middle of your family. I am of straits Chinese, living with Muslims, my father is a Catholic but I think he has forgotten his own religion and never hung around during Christmas. I went to Christian schools but everyone is away during Christmas. I know the story of Joseph and Mary and even played in the dramas but look at #2.
4. Christmas is not Christmas if it's not for the sale. Oh and boxing day. Probably also alcohol. But nothing Christians, since church is all about jingles and carols and those are headache. If you go to Catholic Church like I do, the fume is quite annoying too.
5. You spent years and years understanding what is Christmas. What actually does Christmas celebrate? And this year you realize, that Christmas is a start of holiday season. It is a transition from the equator to the cold north. Christmas this year, is a lot of things unfinished. So I had a little time to celebrate. Christmas this year, sans parties, is my family. There is a cloud of joy and sadness, I'm going back to Vancouver. My brother is going to live in other city starting January. Everything is different. And my mother was disorientated.
6. Christmas this year, I ask Santa to give my mother a capable husband. He doesn't have to be wrapped. Capable is enough. I wish that will not be a disappointment either.
So a lot of Christmas for me is about presents, if not all of it. I like to give presents. I take pride in finding and wrapping my presents. Presenting them nicely and to know that the recipients find them useful. Hopefully meaningful. But many years forward, I realize that only a few people understand that presents are actually personal. It is the thought that this other person actually put an effort to find you a present. Someone knows you enough not to ask what do you want for Christmas. Isn't that nice?
Nah. Maybe a wad of cash is nicer, easier, more efficient. But after years of that treatment, I find myself losing the essence of Christmas.
Chaosmas.
Two weeks left. Two bloody weeks. Two bloody weeks from leaving answering calls at blind hours. Two weeks from leaving trapped in rush hour jam. Twoooo weeks away from chilly lonely winter. Two weeks away: independence. Or complete dependency. It depends on how you look at it.
I feel like a spy with multiple identities....
Sunday, December 13, 2009
I feel like a spy with multiple identities.
A lesson learned: when to say no.
As a new businesswoman, I love new orders. I looove letter of intents. They made my day.
Last week I met a very eager buyer. Very eager to close the deal.
But the factory's space for the first quarter of 2010 is full.
So I had to turn down my buyer.
Literally, my heart breaks when I said no. It was my virgin experience and it was verrry painful!
PS: Today marked the first meeting with my first international client! It was very hard to keep my composure and not to be intimidated. My hands were cold and I definitely scored mediocre on How to Impress International Client 101. To be fair, the man was much older, and speaking KorLish (Korean English). Note to self: 1) be more prepared of the client's culture. 2) always prepare icebreakers 3) always remember that we are all human. Not to mention, the deal might not be through anyway 4) Master poker face....
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Last week I met a very eager buyer. Very eager to close the deal.
But the factory's space for the first quarter of 2010 is full.
So I had to turn down my buyer.
Literally, my heart breaks when I said no. It was my virgin experience and it was verrry painful!
PS: Today marked the first meeting with my first international client! It was very hard to keep my composure and not to be intimidated. My hands were cold and I definitely scored mediocre on How to Impress International Client 101. To be fair, the man was much older, and speaking KorLish (Korean English). Note to self: 1) be more prepared of the client's culture. 2) always prepare icebreakers 3) always remember that we are all human. Not to mention, the deal might not be through anyway 4) Master poker face.
Another lesson learned
A deal is down today. It's very fortunate that we took all the precautions. I guess I'm very fortunate to have an out-of-this-world mentor.
At first I was very excited to liaise with Ch to the extend that I reached down my shallow pocket to get the first agreement. However, the trial was a let down, so the deal was blown. I am thankful that I have been warned. Thanks, Mom. My chin is still up.
Btw, yesterday demonstration was bloody infuriating. I had to take leave since the traffic wasn't moving at all! The interview later last night was worse. The arrogance! Can someone slap those imbeciles! Do they have any crapping idea how much the country lost over yesterday's event? What about the private sectors? Blaming it all on our president? Really? You call yourself university-educated? Bloody shit, man. Please do something about your brain. Blow it out, I'd suggest. You cannot put the blame of your conscious actions to the incumbents. Our country need foreign injections and you just chased all those investors away. Thank you, Professor, for your juvenile provocations. If you need limelight, we have a lot of parodies and reality-tvs. You can participate in those, just don't throw stones at our capitals, you jackass....
Sunday, December 6, 2009
At first I was very excited to liaise with Ch to the extend that I reached down my shallow pocket to get the first agreement. However, the trial was a let down, so the deal was blown. I am thankful that I have been warned. Thanks, Mom. My chin is still up.
Btw, yesterday demonstration was bloody infuriating. I had to take leave since the traffic wasn't moving at all! The interview later last night was worse. The arrogance! Can someone slap those imbeciles! Do they have any crapping idea how much the country lost over yesterday's event? What about the private sectors? Blaming it all on our president? Really? You call yourself university-educated? Bloody shit, man. Please do something about your brain. Blow it out, I'd suggest. You cannot put the blame of your conscious actions to the incumbents. Our country need foreign injections and you just chased all those investors away. Thank you, Professor, for your juvenile provocations. If you need limelight, we have a lot of parodies and reality-tvs. You can participate in those, just don't throw stones at our capitals, you jackass.
Winter Wonderlalalaland
What make me REALLY looking forward to go back to Canada:
What I don't look forward to:
Apart from those two and being separated from my family and work. I'm looking forward to go back! :D
Anyway, Sunday found me and my sister baking away in our kitchen with this recipe from The Joy of Baking. Instead of using chocolate chips and pecans, we used white chocolate blocks. We used 50gr more butter and half a cup more flour than the recipe. Everyone loves it!...
Thursday, December 3, 2009
- My new schedule: POLI 1140: Intro to IR. HIST1130: Modern History. AHIS1214: History of Western Art. The latter was a result of a weighing the possibility of moi in economics. The only econ course I'd like to take is only offered in fall sem. Otherwise, no chance of moi in statistics, merci. I'll be taking french as a supplemental in AF.
- Winter, yess! Rider's boots deifinitely. It's -6 degrees. Perfectly eligible for knee high boots. Ooooh... Pirate boots!!!
- Martin and KK.
- Really, I cannot wait to study again.
- My own apartment.
- UofT.
What I don't look forward to:
- Although I have my own apartment, I'll live with my paternal family. If I really wanna own my own condo, I'd have to move out, which is a complete waste of time and energy since I'm staying for one semester only. Sigh I guess I'll have to really find a good corner in the campus' library. I don't mind the dog though.
- Dependency. I hate.
Apart from those two and being separated from my family and work. I'm looking forward to go back! :D
Anyway, Sunday found me and my sister baking away in our kitchen with this recipe from The Joy of Baking. Instead of using chocolate chips and pecans, we used white chocolate blocks. We used 50gr more butter and half a cup more flour than the recipe. Everyone loves it!
Right as Rain
I have made my decision to defer for a year after spring semester '10. It may not be the wisest decision, but it was made with a clear head over many, many strenuous considerations. I cannot lie to my heart.
True that my father has abandoned me for fifteen years with no news. That he should be responsible for me at least now. But he himself was responsible for the past three years of my education. He is responsible for my brother's education in German. He, also, is responsible for his own family, in which he has two other daughters. Call me stupid and I have been called worse to have a heart which refuse an opportunity. But two universities' tuition fee and living costs do not come cheap. One of his other daughters is about the same age with my brother. I imagine she is at the age of university education too.
I will study again. But when the time comes, it will be by my own effort. I won't owe any apology to my conscience. I will be responsible for the effects of my decision, I will be responsible for my own future. No one can tell me otherwise.
As for the relationship with my father, he is always my father. We don't have a father-daughter relationship. Instead, we have a blood-tied friendship. We respect the fact that we have separate lives. In that sense, we don't owe anything to each other. We have no obligations to each other. Only conscience....
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
True that my father has abandoned me for fifteen years with no news. That he should be responsible for me at least now. But he himself was responsible for the past three years of my education. He is responsible for my brother's education in German. He, also, is responsible for his own family, in which he has two other daughters. Call me stupid and I have been called worse to have a heart which refuse an opportunity. But two universities' tuition fee and living costs do not come cheap. One of his other daughters is about the same age with my brother. I imagine she is at the age of university education too.
I will study again. But when the time comes, it will be by my own effort. I won't owe any apology to my conscience. I will be responsible for the effects of my decision, I will be responsible for my own future. No one can tell me otherwise.
As for the relationship with my father, he is always my father. We don't have a father-daughter relationship. Instead, we have a blood-tied friendship. We respect the fact that we have separate lives. In that sense, we don't owe anything to each other. We have no obligations to each other. Only conscience.
A lesson learned
As a business woman, I should always try to please. Make friends. Make people like me.
The receptionist just cut her bangs.
She: "Miss! What do you think of my new bangs?"
Moi: Frankly, it looks funny. She's unusually short and tiny. She looks like an elementary kid in heels.
Finest Response: "You look supercute! Where did you cut it?"
My response: "Did you cut it yourself? Maybe a bit of tidy up?" I DID, however, put a very sweet smile on my face.
I'm absolutely sure that she hates me permanently. And I'm absolutely positive that she cut her bangs with a kitchen shear on a cauldron butt's reflection....
The receptionist just cut her bangs.
She: "Miss! What do you think of my new bangs?"
Moi: Frankly, it looks funny. She's unusually short and tiny. She looks like an elementary kid in heels.
Finest Response: "You look supercute! Where did you cut it?"
My response: "Did you cut it yourself? Maybe a bit of tidy up?" I DID, however, put a very sweet smile on my face.
I'm absolutely sure that she hates me permanently. And I'm absolutely positive that she cut her bangs with a kitchen shear on a cauldron butt's reflection.