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Thursday, November 19, 2009
Elevator Talks
My office is located on the 50th floor. The elevator at my workplace are separated per floor levels. Lower levels and mid levels have their own elevators. My elevators cater for 41 - 56th level. Most of the times I have lunch after lunch hour to avoid elevators jam. When you have lunch after lunch hour, the odds are: you will have the elevator for yourself or you will share it with an-other person.

So all these while I have been either spending the ride alone or with this other person. Yesterday I spent it with our friendly staff-helper. Usually, I try my best not to spend elevator ride with all those familiar faces from different places, such as our receptionists. Why? I have intimacy issues, okay. They are either someone I talk to regularly, or someone I plug my earphones at sight. Normally, with the aide of my long dead e71, I would be busy typing away. Yet now that my mobile happens to be of the analog world, I have nothing to do. I had nothing to do.

I smiled away. Allll the waaaaayyy dooooowwwwn to level three. Where I escaped from smalltalks altogether. Stomach feeling guilty and head was spinning already from future grapevines. Oh yes, Misssterrr, I know what you're going to say about me!

But what can I do. I'm inexperienced, miserable with smalltalks and have intimacy issues. Do you mind when I mind my own business?

I'm done staying out of troubles because people have problems with who I am. Yes, yes. I don't like Rihanna or Lady Gaga. I had my childhood filled with too-happy music that made my childhood stuck at one place: conforming. I was a liar yesterday. But I am an honest person today. I'm so blunt that I hurt people. I listen to Lenny Kravitz, Pearl Jam and Alicia Keys. I think those are honest music. Music with stories behind it. I dooooonn't carree if I chase guys away (someone told me that a few days ago) because I'm too independent. I'm not proud of that, but I can't be prouder of where I am.

Comfort zones hurt humanity, comfort zones are traps. You will never find yourself if you stuck where you are. When you don't know who you are, you stay out of problems, you'd rather risk your sanity than risking your footings. You become stereotypes. You are everyone. But everyone is no one unless they're someone. You can't become someone in comfort zones. Comfort zones are a place for everyone. The pity is not becoming like everyone. The pity is to not finding out who you really are, what your bones are capable of withstanding. The pity is not to start the first page of The Story of Your Life. I'm done conforming.

So if the receptionists outside will start saying that I'm young and arrogant because I'm too SHY and have intimacy issues to start smalltalks, go ahead. I couldn't care less.
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