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Thursday, September 17, 2009
A good person
I consider myself as a good person. I look back to the troubles I've had: family, love life, work, school. I'm juggling them all like a pro. According to the psych, I posses all the big five personality traits. I'm agreeable, conscientious, open to new experience, extrovert and highly neurotic. And it influences the other four good personality traits I have.

Why am I neurotic, I ask myself? Because of my past? My nature to be a skeptic and anal critical? I take things seriously, so I'm not a relaxed person. Although I'm not prone to stress. But I stress big. When I stress, I lose all the other good four.

So as of today, I'll learn to be more relaxed. You know, enjoy the polution in Jakarta, enjoy the girl talk, try not to hate everyone who talk like an airhead, try to remember Gandhi, etc. Might actually be a vegan! Learn to be a do-gooder who help a grandmother crosses the street (I tried, a grandpa scolded me once for being an ageist).

The point is: I wanna make my life easier. I should learn to take things more lightly. But how so, if those things are so huge and big that they block my way to see clearly the bigger picture?

Thus far, I hung on by hanging on. Dreams up there, I really think I could get it if and only if I work hard. Now I'm trying to be that perfect person who doesn't exist in order to let myself off the steam.

My problem currently is I love my job. I love my job so much that right now, during the Hari Raya holiday, I'm still working my way happily. What about school then? Should I just enjoy the moment? I'm looking at the bigger picture here, graduated AND have a job. But I can't. The thought of being successful is in the way. So I shall help myself out and be more relaxed. I should think that I'm only 21. Yet to be graduated.

God help.

I'll update you should I receive any therapy from an actual psych.
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