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Thursday, September 17, 2009
A good person
I consider myself as a good person. I look back to the troubles I've had: family, love life, work, school. I'm juggling them all like a pro. According to the psych, I posses all the big five personality traits. I'm agreeable, conscientious, open to new experience, extrovert and highly neurotic. And it influences the other four good personality traits I have. Why am I neurotic, I ask myself? Because of my past? My nature to be a skeptic and anal critical? I take things seriously, so I'm not a relaxed person. Although I'm not prone to stress. But I stress big. When I stress, I lose all the other good four. So as of today, I'll learn to be more relaxed. You know, enjoy the polution in Jakarta, enjoy the girl talk, try not to hate everyone who talk like an airhead, try to remember Gandhi, etc. Might actually be a vegan! Learn to be a do-gooder who help a grandmother crosses the street (I tried, a grandpa scolded me once for being an ageist). The point is: I wanna make my life easier. I should learn to take things more lightly. But how so, if those things are so huge and big that they block my way to see clearly the bigger picture? Thus far, I hung on by hanging on. Dreams up there, I really think I could get it if and only if I work hard. Now I'm trying to be that perfect person who doesn't exist in order to let myself off the steam. My problem currently is I love my job. I love my job so much that right now, during the Hari Raya holiday, I'm still working my way happily. What about school then? Should I just enjoy the moment? I'm looking at the bigger picture here, graduated AND have a job. But I can't. The thought of being successful is in the way. So I shall help myself out and be more relaxed. I should think that I'm only 21. Yet to be graduated. God help. I'll update you should I receive any therapy from an actual psych.
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Thursday, September 10, 2009
Plain or glossy?
After a long, long holiday - August with no work possibly was the best bday present, I came back to my home, with all the work. Here in Jakarta, my family moved from a landed house to a tiny condo smaller than my mother's previous bedroom. That might sounded worse than the fact because my mother's previous bedroom was the sum of three studio apartments in Vancouver. Anyway, the furniture was different. Nothing survived except bro's bed and computer desk, installed properly with familiar snail-pacing PC. But you know, home is my family. I've been busy setting up our company. Yeah yeah, seriously I've given thought to online business before, but really I'm not cut out for it. I have no patience. I have no idea that it's such a hard work! And hello, I studied market and business strategies before and none of them can be applied to this scenario. I'm quite excited for my desk, my own personal desk! My DID. And I may proudly say that I came up with the branding strategy. The work itself? Not so fun. Not so fun because it's kind of serious. It's a brain teaser because we're playing life-size chess. We're like a piece of meat in the midst of hungry hyenas, that's not even whole scale yet. But I pray hard that we'll survive. If I'm not updating anytime soon, you know I'm teasing with the bait.
...
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A good person
I consider myself as a good person. I look back to the troubles I've had: family, love life, work, school. I'm juggling them all like a pro. According to the psych, I posses all the big five personality traits. I'm agreeable, conscientious, open to new experience, extrovert and highly neurotic. And it influences the other four good personality traits I have. Why am I neurotic, I ask myself? Because of my past? My nature to be a skeptic and anal critical? I take things seriously, so I'm not a relaxed person. Although I'm not prone to stress. But I stress big. When I stress, I lose all the other good four. So as of today, I'll learn to be more relaxed. You know, enjoy the polution in Jakarta, enjoy the girl talk, try not to hate everyone who talk like an airhead, try to remember Gandhi, etc. Might actually be a vegan! Learn to be a do-gooder who help a grandmother crosses the street (I tried, a grandpa scolded me once for being an ageist). The point is: I wanna make my life easier. I should learn to take things more lightly. But how so, if those things are so huge and big that they block my way to see clearly the bigger picture? Thus far, I hung on by hanging on. Dreams up there, I really think I could get it if and only if I work hard. Now I'm trying to be that perfect person who doesn't exist in order to let myself off the steam. My problem currently is I love my job. I love my job so much that right now, during the Hari Raya holiday, I'm still working my way happily. What about school then? Should I just enjoy the moment? I'm looking at the bigger picture here, graduated AND have a job. But I can't. The thought of being successful is in the way. So I shall help myself out and be more relaxed. I should think that I'm only 21. Yet to be graduated. God help. I'll update you should I receive any therapy from an actual psych.
...
Plain or glossy?
After a long, long holiday - August with no work possibly was the best bday present, I came back to my home, with all the work. Here in Jakarta, my family moved from a landed house to a tiny condo smaller than my mother's previous bedroom. That might sounded worse than the fact because my mother's previous bedroom was the sum of three studio apartments in Vancouver. Anyway, the furniture was different. Nothing survived except bro's bed and computer desk, installed properly with familiar snail-pacing PC. But you know, home is my family. I've been busy setting up our company. Yeah yeah, seriously I've given thought to online business before, but really I'm not cut out for it. I have no patience. I have no idea that it's such a hard work! And hello, I studied market and business strategies before and none of them can be applied to this scenario. I'm quite excited for my desk, my own personal desk! My DID. And I may proudly say that I came up with the branding strategy. The work itself? Not so fun. Not so fun because it's kind of serious. It's a brain teaser because we're playing life-size chess. We're like a piece of meat in the midst of hungry hyenas, that's not even whole scale yet. But I pray hard that we'll survive. If I'm not updating anytime soon, you know I'm teasing with the bait.
...
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Curious 20-something
Full time student. Life time writer. Part time musician.
I once wanted to be an archeologist to dig the glory of Pharaohs of Egypt. But my mother told me what I can get from that is dirt.
Then I wanted to be an astronaut, but of course, NASA is still sorting out that case.
I wanted to be a goodwill ambassador, only to realize my country doesn't really like my skin.
I wanted to be a hippy and live to paint, but Andy Warhol destroyed my dreams.
I could become a dancer, but dancing for living is not part of my culture.
I'm a misplaced existence, trying to find justice.
I want to be so many things in so many places,
So good God help me.
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