I've been watching so many things lately, that make my heart aches with that dull ache. The silent thud that has similar effect to nails on glass. I've been reading a lot of things that kept my brain worked out about our whole existence. But not so much of what you think of. If I compare our existence today to the past hundred year, it's a huge change. Yeah ofcourse!, you'd say so. Not so much. Because the previous hundreds before our last century was pretty monotone. If you think of how things has sped up over the last half century, it's pretty scary. I miss several things I've never had. Hey I enjoy life nowadays. I can't complain, Mac is an awesome machine. But why today I am defined by what I owned instead of who I am?

Isn't there is something very sickly about this whole existence?

When someone admits that they don't have a cellphone, or a computer thesedays, your head goes - *chuckle* what's wrong with you, dude?

Everytime I think of how loud we are, but how muted our voice really are, and how superficial and hollow relationships around. The perfume that oozes out of their fake breasts just to impress insecure cocks with plastic cards. Good Lord save me. Of course, nothing is wrong with that. You hurt so much, you got hurt over and over and over again until you put on the plastic heart and feel nothing. That's what L just told me. And it scared me to hell.

I wanna feel, really feel and not living a compromise. It started off with my relationship matter. Of waiting, and wanting. And tempted, like humans. But with a blink of an eye, I could lose the single, most sincere experience in the world. I want not to spoil love. I want to give it, unintentionally. What do you have against receiving it? Are you blinded by those sets of standard they demanded from you? That you have to lie, to survive? Why do you hurt people who love you? Why do you run away from the truth? Please stop hurting. Please stop hurting people. Please stop hurting. ...