Future kids, I warn you, unfulfilled prophecies hurt. So as broken promises.

On the new issue of British GQ, Megan Fox is comparing between actors/ess with prostitutes and a lot of people commented how dumb she is. She is quite dumb for saying that, but it's irrelevant to the content of the comment. Instead, merely because she is an actress her self (or an aspiring one!), she is a prostitute too? (Hey modus ponnens support this, no flaw in logic). Anyways. I'm maybe biased.

On the other side, I think acting is quite different from prostituting. On the epidermis level, acting requires a versatile and plieable personality. Prostituting is a part of acting. But acting as a whole is much larger than prostituting. Just because I'm a celluloid, I'm pretty much sure that my comment is valid.

That asides. Sometimes I want that versatile personality. How to act on a daily basis. Not just pretending that wear your emotions. But to act and split my personality. Beyonce inspires me, she can come up with this Sasha Fierce. On the other side of the CD, she's B: vulnerable, ballad-y melody. But Fierce!

Why am I talking on random? There are a lot of things bugging me lately. There are a few people that I can't get over. People like 'Fireplace', who pretends to be civilized with me - but I loathe her. And yes, that's a strong word. That's how I feel. I wish I could be like her, pretending that I can be civilized with her but I can't. There's 'T', who keeps on pretending to keep contact with me, and promises bunch of stuffs - to chat up, catch up, whatever you name it. But I never hear a word from it. There's 'C'. I wanna scream at her and say, Hey, I'm here, I'm your friend. How do you value me? Tell me what's wrong, rather than being sick and rotten in one lone self. There's of course my mother, who has promised me eons of age ago a lot of stuffs, but all of them went down the chute. There are of course, Husky. If I'm allowed to be cliche: love hurts. These things depressed me on my personal level. But I can always harness myself with optimism. It drains me everyday, but when I wake up, I drink a lot of coffee - I should be fine.

But the true sadness is with 'L', who has a life but don't know how to live it. Who has all this money and power but still is sad. Who has a Jaguar to drive, but scared to scratch it. Who has two laptops but afraid to pen her feelings because she's too insecure. Who has an apartment by herself but too afraid to ruin her funiture. Who has a lot of social gatherings, but no friends. Who has a daughter, but clueless how to be a mother. She lives next door, what should I do?

I want to run away. This is just too sad. Lately, my happiest day is when I'm under the sun, exploring the city without feeling lethargic.

I'm in love with Vancouver. Every time I pass Granville Bridge, I can't help but hold my breath. I wonder, far behind the cities, those majestic mountains, where rivers begin, those white clouds and snow capped place: there must be a whole other world. Places untouched by human hands. Where trolls and fairies live. Gollum, or maybe a gate to the middle kingdom.

I don't know how many times I said this: I don't want to grow up. I'm afraid of adulthood. It's too depressing. Not just responsibilities, but to open my eyes to the world, and see dreams failed. It requires a truckload of strength to be able to grow up as a good, solid human. Say maybe I'm in the intensive training. Last year, I remember MK said, this year is going to be a no-bollocks year. Harsh. I don't want to grow up! I'm in a marriage to life, like most people are. I accepted who I am, but I'm still getting to know my new life. Maybe that's my problem.

Let me get ready, my running shoes are wearing off. I need to get out. ...