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Saturday, August 30, 2008
Yucks
This is a personal entry.

Have you ever had a feeling that you're not good enough? I have that feeling, constantly. I'd like to slap myself sometimes, telling myself that I'm actually doing something good.

I think I strive hard enough in my life, I take things less seriously, yet keeping my work at a balance. And social life comes in and I must give time to it as well. 24 hours a day is simply not enough. I would like to be sleepless. So I can have all the time in a day to finish it all.

I feel bad that I couldn't make it to Charlotte's celebration tonight. I'm happy for her! But the minute she called me, I feel bad already, because I know I wouldn't be able to make it. I'm just too tired and assignments are waiting to be done.

Sometimes I'd like to call up QQ and ask for his opinion, because you know, we live nearby and I always call him to offer cab ride, but recently, he grew distant for a reason unbeknown to me.

And it's weird, because they're hanging out with this guy, who occasionally slaps me with rude attitude and piercing words. How must I like him? Or treat him like friends, or even respect him as one? I mean, it's not that I'm trying to be better than everyone or anything, I just don't get people like that. Is that so weird? How do you get along with people who greets you with "Fuck you"? I mean. Double you tea elf?

I need time to resolve all this. But at the mean time, I just feel not good enough.

Even more, I'm not supposed to care, but I do.

And as a shitass managing editor, I grew weary, because things are unorganized and I can't be bother anymore, after all those judgments put on me. I mean, I'm just doing my job. If it turns out well, it's your credit. Why must I be judged for doing the job I'm forced to do? And I'm tired of listening to reasons and excuses, so don't give me any. Because I'll preach. And I'll be judged.

I need time. I don't have it. You know, I'm doing my best to keep my pace as a friend. I'm here at your disposal. I listen to your complaints and try my best to help you out. But I realize lately, that I can't please everyone.

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