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Monday, July 14, 2008
Teenage Rant
Today Jo got her D60 and I'm very happy for her! She's one of the most photo-savvy people I know. If I hadn't known her, I would've guessed that she's a pop art student.

But you know, even though I'm happy for her, I can't help but feeling a bit jealous. I'm not into camera, so not jealous about her camera. But I'm jealous because it was her mom who bought her the camera.

You see, my first camera was bought by my own money. All things I own are bought by me. I got the money from my parents, true, but money is not the same with affection.

I'm sad, because even though I always manage to buy the things I wanted, it's always me who gave me the best present. But you know, sometimes I just wished for once my parents would give me the present that I want, nicely wrapped, not just cold cash in my account. I've never had the wow-Mom/Dad-this-is-what-i've-always-wanted! moment. In fact, to think of it, it's always had been me alone.

I signed up for school, bank account, buy things I want, remind my parents of my and siblings birthdays, sign up for courses, decide with path to go. It's always have been me and my decisions alone.

It's a good thing of course, since my parents are very liberal (or ignorant, makes no difference). But comparing myself and my friends (which I'm not supposed to do), I'm just sad.

I guess, you see, since I don't have that affectionate parents, all I'm looking up for is Husky. But he disappointed me by didn't manage to get the DCfC ticket. Which is ironic, because if I had been rational, I would've had gotten the ticket myself and won't feel sad like this.

Don't get me wrong. I'm very grateful for my life. I have pretty much what I want in life and grateful that I'm grateful for it. And I don't wished to be born in another normal family. Dysfunctional as it is, I turned out fine. But man, why do I have to do everything myself? I think I'm quite good.

I swear upon all my thongs, I will not take care of anything for anyone who doesn't regard or credit my portion equally. Life is hard as it already is, I won't make mine any harder.

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