By the way, I had a major fight with Husky two days ago. It started off silly, me being a pain in the neck which he will usually manja me. But he wasn't in the niceman mood. He scolded me for being rude.
Of all things, I'm the most hurt when I'm scolded and he knows that. But he said, if I'm wrong, I deserved to be scolded. And he said, if he's wrong, I scold him. So why can't he scold me?
You know, I'm trapped in this whole feminist thing. You see, men and I don't really have that codependent. I'm on my feet and I tease because I can, not because I'm so lonely I need cherries and strawberries in my life. And I put up these barriers to separate anyone to enter my deepest chambre. But after series of 'Let's not go on's, Husky is by far the most persistent one.
His principal is very simple really, and naive, may I say, he loves me and that's all. See? Silly? Yes!! Threateningly heartbreakingly silly but I've never met anyone like him before. And he taught me how to love and I learned. And that's how he can hurt me.
Gandhi once said, 'Nobody can hurt me without my permission'. And I am hurt because I permit myself to be hurt. And it's not his fault, right?
But you see, I've never deliberately done anything to hurt him. Yet this is the thing he knows I despise the most, yet he still did it. So I'm hurt. Even if it was caused by my insensitivity.
He was angry, by the way, it was the second time he's angry at me. Yesterday, he was trying to put on these bluffs, but being an anal that I am, I need to rub in. He said this to me, "It was your fault and you want me to be nice and apologize to you? At least I tried to bluff, what did you do?"
I didn't reject his calls and didn't abandon his SMSes.
"I asked you how was your day and you didn't reject my calls?"
It was a big thing for me okay! I'm slow in recovery!
I admit that I am spoiled. So yesterday, I fell asleep thinking of 'Blackpepper chicken..' because he likes blackpepper and he likes chicken. So this morning I woke up 8Am, have my morning jog and bought the ingredients, then cook. I brought it to his place after my class.
Do I feel stupid? Excruciatingly. Am I happy? Extremely.
Oh class, I was supposed to make this very inspiring speech but my face froze because of the air con. That was the first time I heard someone says, "You can't sell." And I hate Nom for rubbing in, "Yeah I agree."
Yeah man. Do better. If you're that hungry, that cold, have to pee and shivering your knuckles off its joints.
Then I went home, about an hour and a half ago (I type this for 30mins), KittyK and DD asked me to join them for a late dinner with Ken and Clarissa. I would love to! If only I don't feel like a corpse.
Labels: Daily life